My speech for a best friend's wedding

Does giving a speech fill you with thrill or fear? Here's one I wrote earlier

Last May I had the honour of supporting two lovely friends – Andrew and Tobias – on their wedding day. It was the first same sex marriage I’ve had the pleasure of being invited to. And the energy of love after adversity lit up the entire day with an inimitable glow.

I was asked if I’d give a speech, and it is one of the greatest honours of my life to stand, slightly shaky of hand, before friend’s and family and attempt to carve out something poignant.

I’ve garnered recent reputation amongst friends as the resident speech giver: “Here comes rent-a-speech, ho ho ho”, etc. It’s a fair jibe. I’ve spoken now at ten weddings, at least five work events and seven birthday celebrations. Being wheeled out to share some words, delights me. But it’s an enormous responsibility, too. And I've learnt a lot along the way.

My early speeches were pretty awful. But through practice, and error, I’ve picked up some useful skills. So, with consent from the grooms, here’s a transcript of the speech I gave for Andrew and Tobias last May. With a view that next week’s email come with practical tips on how the hell to start, structure and edit a speech of your own. Because wedding season is upon us, and I can already hear the heart’s of appointed best men and women beating with anticipatory fear. Panic not, ‘rent-a-speech’ is here to help!

Here’s one I made earlier…
(NB. This is designed to be read aloud, rather than in your head. Try it).

We used to lie on our backs in the grass of Clissold Park, Rubicon juice soothing our bones, and we’d laugh at each other’s jokes. And talk tentatively about the type of love you hoped to welcome into your heart.

If I could go back in time, this is what I’d like to tell that wonderful, beautiful, hilarious boy daring to dream about the shape of love. 

Hold tight my friend. Great times are coming. He’s going to surprise you, just like they say, when you least expect it. He’ll make you laugh, he has a dry wit to rival to your own, he’ll dress equally as well as you, and together you’re going to discover the joyful, mundane bliss of domesticity.

I wish that until then, I could take that pebble of shame you carry from your pocket and throw it far from here. But I know now this is a weight you will muster the strength to shift graciously without need or aid from us.

We might never know the battles you have fought; or been there to join you on the playground edge feeling as if you didn’t quite fit. But between us, and this love that’s coming – this marvellous, smart, bright, engaging love – you will learn, with each passing moon to let go of opinions of your life that do not serve you. 

Together with this boy, you will start to truly live, not from a place of fear, but from a fire deep inside of you, flames fanning the brilliant realisation that to live fully is to live a life that is solely and proudly your own.

This love you will find will not be perfect; because we are all raw, gnarly people who, like nature, should wear perfection loosely.

Likewise, this love will not save you. But it will, he will, very much hold your hand while you quietly and courageously save yourself.

And you will in turn light pathways out of darkness for him when love shifts on its axis and together with his nearest you find a way to navigate a salty ocean of grief. 

This love will also make you laugh, so much laughter! This love will smile knowingly when you ask endless and ridiculous questions. This love will only occasionally raise his eyebrows when your energy begins to fizz right over at too-late-o-clock in your local pub.

This love will hold your elbow when you need to ugly cry; and know just the right amount of time to leave that suspended silence before it’s ok to make a joke. This love will make up for all the times you felt you had to shut down parts of yourself.

This love, will feel quite simply, as if you’ve both come home.

So hold tight my boy, lets go for a ride on your bike today, feel the sun between our teeth, let both the good and bad times roll.

Because somewhere in the not-to-distant future there’s this big, beautiful, plentiful love that’s going to teach you that you were never too this or too that or too much, this love will teach you what we all already knew: that you were always enough. You were always enough. You were always enough.